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For the love of…… painting

I would just like to point out that this is just me sorting through some thoughts swirling round my head and not me trying to give life advice or anything but if anyone finds it interesting then YAY me and always thanks for reading.

The road to happiness is a bumpy and winding one, and along the way we are likely to get lost on the way to that joy. Joy…what is it? Well it is described as:


 “Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness, or an instance of such feeling.”

English dictionary

Huh, its odd that it would be described as an instance of a feeling when so many of us have become preoccupied with this continuous state that is happy, we place our happiness in other people, things and we look for that acceptance from others…. But what happened to our being happy in ourselves, with ourselves for ourselves, where did all the self-love go?

For me joy changes with each year, month and day. Not so long ago happiness was sitting around a camp fire in the North of Scotland at Halloween drinking way too much and being so sick only to wake up the next day sitting wrapped in a duvet praying the bacon roll you just ate stays down, happiness now is looking back on that moment and knowing that there will be friends reading this laughing and it will have the snowball effect of memories.  There is that time in Glencoe when upon choosing the wrong place to camp led to the worst night, the night the wind blew those tents flat… happiness now is remembering the laughs of that night and waking up to the most amazingly calm morning. I can honestly say that since 2010 my life has been filled with moments of such joy which grew in 2014 because of my amazing children, and every day even when they are dark these two little humans can make me laugh and fill me with pride.

The human mind is so powerful on one hand it can drive you, give you purpose and on the other hand it has the power of destruction, filling you with fear and doubt and yet… humans have the power of choice. The power to make decisions is in our control, we can’t fix everything of course we can’t but we can transform a moment don’t believe me. Well dear reader maybe you didn’t read as well as you thought you did sure I’m looking back, but the principle is the same every moment we are one choice away from drive or destruction. Courage… that’s the hard part, in looking for that happiness in things and the people around us it is easy to forget that you are you, fully capable of making decisions and finding power in them.

It took falling to help me figure it out, it is easy to be positive when things are going your way but when you’re struggling you loose all perspective wrapped in the thoughts of negativity, ready to surrender to them, ready waiting in the darkness to give up. Completely convinced of that destructive thought pattern is true, and then you see it a little star it is faint but its there and suddenly you latch onto it. But ease is the greatest threat to progress…. Baby steps… the smallest step can be all the difference

“Small steps lead to big accomplishments”

Oprah

Take back that control of you, there will always be people who doubt you, tear you down by any means, their will be people who will mean well and offer help and advice, push you and this is wonderful but here is the kicker it all comes down to YOU, if you are not in love with you this kind of support can make you feel you’ve made no progress at all. If you can be truly happy with you in every aspect of you then one day will be your moment, you will open yourself up to the world and embrace it with your new found drive.

I’m going to rebuild myself…. yip one little layer at a time no matter how long it takes… it will happen.

Now to the joy of painting… don’t get yourself all worked up I haven’t forgotten although that is slightly surprising for me. Now dear readers there are no happy little trees here, I am no Bob Ross and if you don’t know who that is please YouTube it. So here it is, you may want to sit down for this, but I love to decorate…. yip the whole process start to finish. The very first time I walked into my house I knew what I wanted to do with it I pictured the furniture and the colour schemes, fast forward almost 13 years to March 2019.

“Let’s get new heating system put in”

These words were like music to my ears, it was time after years of making do I could get the ideas out of my head and onto my walls. If you have never been through the process… turns out it’s a slow one but within a few months the time had come my little friends to strip the wallpaper. As luck would have it the plaster came with it too, just as well a plasterer had been lined up really, the horrible artexed ceiling was ripped from its secure position to. In the process of waiting for different stages to be completed I decorated two kids rooms and a hallway.  Joy… pure joy, I had to put up with a lot of negativity along the way being told I was too creative and doing too much and maybe I was but when you become unhappy with your surroundings you change them as best you can.

I know it sounds like a contradiction but allow me to explain my happiness is not in the house and it’s amazing contents which now reside within its walls… no the joy comes from the fact that despite the doubt that threatened the progress and drive for this wonderful place I call home, it was overcome and I was able to express my true self through out the process and that is something.

But that it was my first step, without which I would never have dreamed of starting this blog, my sketches I believe to be terrible would lay somewhere never to be seen and I would never dream of sharing what I find to be silly writings with anyone let alone the world. I made the terrifying choice to look into a life coaching course and then booked it, a choice I have to say terrifies me but I will do it because it is something that drives me a passion and I am starting to believe I can do anything if I set my mind to it all from the joy of painting.

Joy and happiness are fleeting, my advice go make yourself a happy box and when the world threatens to steal it from you go take it out open it and bask in its joy. Here a few suggestions from mine:

Any Disney movie (I don’t believe there is such a thing as favourite one – personal choice)

A favourite chocolate.

A photo of friends.

A picture of your kid, nieces/nephews/ grandchildren you get the idea.

A piece of clothing you can live without.

A scent, I have a bookcase full… yip the new book smell.

A song.

So dear readers keep working, keep striving, never give up, fall 7 times get up 8, believe in yourself and make your own happy.   

Motivational speech videos.

They maybe things but they have the power to invoke that moment and they can remind you that these moments are wonderful and worth the struggle, because one day we are all going to find belief in ourselves and that passion will take over.

“if you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.”

Author:

Sometime i will write things that surround my own mental health and the creative funny way i make it through a day. Other times i might write fantasy related things it really depends on what comes to me first and on occasion I may throw in a sketch for visual effect. Don't be afraid dear readers i promise to keep you safe and have you home by midnight (ish)

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