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I need your help…..

Good morning blog fans

I know it’s been such a long time frankly I’m a little disappointed in myself for that (sorry for the self negative talk) so here is the thing I have been a little distracted trying to start a business 😮. I know I’ve got all the emotions….

So in November I took a life coaching course which was amazing and really opened my eyes but I decided to wait until the new year and well here we are planning and organising everything to get stuck into a world of helping people.

So how can you help? I here you ask….

Alright let me get to it, so I’ve been doing some research and sadly what I discovered is that in my local area there is little support for mental health. Something I am looking to change, along side my business I would like to give back to my community and provide a sort of support group, hopefully offering ways to improve mental health or ways to support someone with mental health. Where I need help is if you were looking to attend something like that what would draw you to it?

What could I maybe put in place that would make you think you know what I’m going to go tonight?

The aim is to get people talking about mental health and support each other or find the support they need.

I know you guys are from all over the world but that’s the beauty of this platform it’s a chance to embrace another culture 😊. Also you dont need to have bad mental health to come along.

Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated and as always thanks for the support 😊

Speak soon Aileyb

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I can’t……

It’s that time again dear readers, yip you guessed more ramblings of an overthinking mind. I will be honest this is something that I say often even when I don’t want to, its that old being hard on myself trick that I have perfected over the years but imagine if for once that changed…. What if the imagination took over. I find that people will look at my sketches and follow a compliment up with a criticism of themselves “I can’t draw”

STOP…. of course, you can since the age you first picked up a pencil you have been able to draw and even now as an “adult” you can still draw your imagination has just gotten a little filled with other things…. you don’t believe me? Ok let’s try a little something to wake up the imagination and prove that you can in fact draw…. get yourself a piece of paper and a pencil now I would like you to think about a dog, really think about it what colour is it? How big is it? Does it have floppy ears? You get the idea now draw it.

 Wow that is amazing…… here is the point and a fun fact probably no one has drawn that exact dog in that way because our little…. sorry big imaginations all work very different. Do you think Picasso looked at his work and said I can’t draw? Of course, he didn’t…. so why are you? This may come as a surprise to you but we are all so wonderfully unique that no one could draw like him, they may come close but it wouldn’t be anything like it and that is the beauty of the mind.

Don’t get me wrong I say it often out of fear and then anxiety takes over and before you know it, I’ve talked myself out of doing something and I’m an over thinker, so I ponder it.  Then I think of my kids who will use these words a million times a day and usually when I’ve asked them to pick up something or tidy…. but I would hate to think that they walked around thinking that they couldn’t do something because they fear it or its difficult. My son for example is a budding artist but “I can’t draw like that… how is that possible?” and my response “yet…. you can’t draw like that yet” and so I would say the same to you all use the power of yet watch how it changes your whole outlook. A change of mindset might just be the key to unlocking your potential, here are some examples to try….

I don’t understand this……………………………………….  what am I missing?

This is too hard………………………………………………. This may take some time.

I can’t do this………………………………………. I’m going to work on this until I can.

Practice…. No athlete in the world was born with the ability to do something they practiced, they visualised, and they worked consistently…. Dream big, do what you feel passionate about stop letting other people tell you what you can’t do… you can but without that consistency you will never finish.

“failure is a sign that you are trying”

So don’t be afraid to fail, look at your blue print of your life that you have created for yourself are you were you thought you would be alter it if you need to but ask yourself are you reaching that potential, are you happy with it? If there is something in there you are not then work on changing it, find that new dream and set goals to reaching it…… remember dreams without goals are just that……. dreams.

Every Sunday I sit at my laptop and madly hit the letters on the keyboard and pray my ramblings make a little sense to someone, I sit late at night too with a little panic because I’m trying to create that consistency waging an internal war with myself “I can’t write” and a few months ago I would have closed the laptop and given up resigned to the mindset. I believe I can write…. just not well but there is a little voice in there somewhere kind of muffled like it’s trapped in a wardrobe…. Possibly Narnia (maybe it’s Liam Neeson as Aslan, just hopefully not the voice from Taken) anyway its there and it says

“Every failed experiment is a step closer to success”

So I wake up every Monday at crazy o’clock, I switch on the laptop followed by the kettle and once I have the perfect brew in my cup I sit down to edit and then filled with dread that it is awful I post it. I keep coming back, out of passion or maybe I’ve listened to the wrong people and thoughts for far too long and I long for that freedom of being just me…. and with time who knows I may start believing in myself, because I should and should all of you dear readers.

Think of it this way, does the sun stay in bed because no one can look at it they do the moon…. no, it rises each day filled with the same warmth and bringing with it the potential for anyone brave enough to Carpe diem. On the other side of that coin does the moon not rise because it can’t compete with the sun of course not because with the moon comes the self-reflection of those fails, plans and the dreams. Both are equally beautiful, and so are you.

The truth is each and everyone of us has the power and drive to do things for ourselves…. still don’t believe me? No? well dear readers your still with me reading this with your morning brew or on your morning commute or dare I say it in your bathroom. I know it doesn’t seem like much but STOP……. Stop selling yourself short with things that little thing of reading a silly little blog is an ember…. an ember to the start of a fire, just think if you have the drive to read something when others would have passed it by think what else you could do.

“you’ve got to dream big and fail big”

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com
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Here’s an idea….. Lets change the subject

Since it’s world mental health day…….. it’s ok to not be ok…….. it’s ok to talk…….. every day is mental health day.

Do me a favour get a pen and piece of paper, got it? Ok now look at the picture above…. I mean really look at it.

No this is not some trick it has a purpose, so now I would like you to write down what you see, really take it in, what is it? What does it mean to you? Now if you will excuse me there is a jar of heaven… I mean taffy calling I will be right back.

Ok so what did I miss…. oh yes writing what you see, if my calculations are right which they might not be (I’m a writer not a mathematician), but did you write about that black dot? what about that white area? Didn’t write about it huh…. don’t feel bad the first time I did this exercise I didn’t either.

You see I focused so hard on that black dot, filled with negativity, coldness, heaviness and all consuming. The colour washed over me and the thoughts that followed took that tone.

However, there is another part to that picture, yip the white part…. white a sign of purity, simplicity, opportunity and reflection. Let that settle in for a minute, it is like most things in life we see the bad and never notice the good and there is where most of our energy is focused

But what if we could change that?

Ask yourself would you say the following to a loved one or better yet a child?

You look awful

You’re not enough

You can’t do it

No? I had hoped not if the answer was yes yikes…. Now ask yourself why are you having these daily dialogues with yourself? Why not try to change it, I know it’s not easy, but it is the start of the journey. Believe me I know how hard this is, to be honest if negative self-talk was an Olympic sport, I’d get the gold, but I am still on the road and wanted some company.  The best explanation I’ve ever heard of this is

“we all have two wolves; both are hungry we just have to chose which one to feed and work a little harder at it”

Matthew McConaughey

If you are interested in this a little more I highly recommend reading the Two Wolves story, which was introduced to me by one of my amazing blog followers.

So now let’s try a little self-love or positive self-talk, take yourself a toddle to a mirror I can wait for you but when you get there look at yourself in there…. give yourself a wave, now close your eyes and say something positive to yourself for example

“It’s ok. No matter what happens, I can handle it”

Now open your eyes repeat it a little louder, louder. LOUDER… phew I feel better now, practice this morning and night, during the bad times and the good times. Most important with each vocalisation take a note of the look in your eyes and the changes in your facial expression….. smiling yet? good

Remember we become what we believe

“people who believe that they can and people who believe they can’t are usually right”

One of my methods of trying to tackle this has been a thought journal where I write down the negative, look for a way to change it, and get rid of the thought. There are a million resources out there when you feel ready to start this journey but let me leave you with this message

YOU ARE STRONG

YOU ARE ENOUGH

YOU ARE IN CONTROL

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO.

Now toddle back to that mirror and tell yourself these things over and over again watch how your whole perception changes, but I hope this kind of lingers with you a little today so when you work colleagues get in your face and you feel like giving up, or you have an argument with a loved one or someone tries to put you down….. replay this in your head or let Pooh bear tumble in there with his words, he is much better at than I (I better go write that thought down)

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For the love of…… painting

I would just like to point out that this is just me sorting through some thoughts swirling round my head and not me trying to give life advice or anything but if anyone finds it interesting then YAY me and always thanks for reading.

The road to happiness is a bumpy and winding one, and along the way we are likely to get lost on the way to that joy. Joy…what is it? Well it is described as:


 “Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness, or an instance of such feeling.”

English dictionary

Huh, its odd that it would be described as an instance of a feeling when so many of us have become preoccupied with this continuous state that is happy, we place our happiness in other people, things and we look for that acceptance from others…. But what happened to our being happy in ourselves, with ourselves for ourselves, where did all the self-love go?

For me joy changes with each year, month and day. Not so long ago happiness was sitting around a camp fire in the North of Scotland at Halloween drinking way too much and being so sick only to wake up the next day sitting wrapped in a duvet praying the bacon roll you just ate stays down, happiness now is looking back on that moment and knowing that there will be friends reading this laughing and it will have the snowball effect of memories.  There is that time in Glencoe when upon choosing the wrong place to camp led to the worst night, the night the wind blew those tents flat… happiness now is remembering the laughs of that night and waking up to the most amazingly calm morning. I can honestly say that since 2010 my life has been filled with moments of such joy which grew in 2014 because of my amazing children, and every day even when they are dark these two little humans can make me laugh and fill me with pride.

The human mind is so powerful on one hand it can drive you, give you purpose and on the other hand it has the power of destruction, filling you with fear and doubt and yet… humans have the power of choice. The power to make decisions is in our control, we can’t fix everything of course we can’t but we can transform a moment don’t believe me. Well dear reader maybe you didn’t read as well as you thought you did sure I’m looking back, but the principle is the same every moment we are one choice away from drive or destruction. Courage… that’s the hard part, in looking for that happiness in things and the people around us it is easy to forget that you are you, fully capable of making decisions and finding power in them.

It took falling to help me figure it out, it is easy to be positive when things are going your way but when you’re struggling you loose all perspective wrapped in the thoughts of negativity, ready to surrender to them, ready waiting in the darkness to give up. Completely convinced of that destructive thought pattern is true, and then you see it a little star it is faint but its there and suddenly you latch onto it. But ease is the greatest threat to progress…. Baby steps… the smallest step can be all the difference

“Small steps lead to big accomplishments”

Oprah

Take back that control of you, there will always be people who doubt you, tear you down by any means, their will be people who will mean well and offer help and advice, push you and this is wonderful but here is the kicker it all comes down to YOU, if you are not in love with you this kind of support can make you feel you’ve made no progress at all. If you can be truly happy with you in every aspect of you then one day will be your moment, you will open yourself up to the world and embrace it with your new found drive.

I’m going to rebuild myself…. yip one little layer at a time no matter how long it takes… it will happen.

Now to the joy of painting… don’t get yourself all worked up I haven’t forgotten although that is slightly surprising for me. Now dear readers there are no happy little trees here, I am no Bob Ross and if you don’t know who that is please YouTube it. So here it is, you may want to sit down for this, but I love to decorate…. yip the whole process start to finish. The very first time I walked into my house I knew what I wanted to do with it I pictured the furniture and the colour schemes, fast forward almost 13 years to March 2019.

“Let’s get new heating system put in”

These words were like music to my ears, it was time after years of making do I could get the ideas out of my head and onto my walls. If you have never been through the process… turns out it’s a slow one but within a few months the time had come my little friends to strip the wallpaper. As luck would have it the plaster came with it too, just as well a plasterer had been lined up really, the horrible artexed ceiling was ripped from its secure position to. In the process of waiting for different stages to be completed I decorated two kids rooms and a hallway.  Joy… pure joy, I had to put up with a lot of negativity along the way being told I was too creative and doing too much and maybe I was but when you become unhappy with your surroundings you change them as best you can.

I know it sounds like a contradiction but allow me to explain my happiness is not in the house and it’s amazing contents which now reside within its walls… no the joy comes from the fact that despite the doubt that threatened the progress and drive for this wonderful place I call home, it was overcome and I was able to express my true self through out the process and that is something.

But that it was my first step, without which I would never have dreamed of starting this blog, my sketches I believe to be terrible would lay somewhere never to be seen and I would never dream of sharing what I find to be silly writings with anyone let alone the world. I made the terrifying choice to look into a life coaching course and then booked it, a choice I have to say terrifies me but I will do it because it is something that drives me a passion and I am starting to believe I can do anything if I set my mind to it all from the joy of painting.

Joy and happiness are fleeting, my advice go make yourself a happy box and when the world threatens to steal it from you go take it out open it and bask in its joy. Here a few suggestions from mine:

Any Disney movie (I don’t believe there is such a thing as favourite one – personal choice)

A favourite chocolate.

A photo of friends.

A picture of your kid, nieces/nephews/ grandchildren you get the idea.

A piece of clothing you can live without.

A scent, I have a bookcase full… yip the new book smell.

A song.

So dear readers keep working, keep striving, never give up, fall 7 times get up 8, believe in yourself and make your own happy.   

Motivational speech videos.

They maybe things but they have the power to invoke that moment and they can remind you that these moments are wonderful and worth the struggle, because one day we are all going to find belief in ourselves and that passion will take over.

“if you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.”