I am sorry dear readers this weekend has been one of growth where I completed my life coach practitioners course and I’ve had no time to write anything but I have this new feeling of excitement for what’s to come next. So while I’m sorry for not delivering this week I’m not sorry for making time to grow and develop into this amazing adventure 😁
I can do anything
Also happy December 🎄❄🎅🤶☃️
I recently gathered my friends together for a night of fun and laughter, terrifying as it might have been, but I missed them all. It was during this time I got speaking to one of my friends who had no idea what was going on because like a lot of people I just didn’t speak about it, we got to speaking about how it affects so many people and you would never know. Then we started talking about anxiety…. Something that everyone goes through daily but for some people it can have devastating effects, and there is a lack of understanding of it with people wanting to push someone into things or telling them to just get on with it making anyone with anxiety feel worse and unimportant. So today’s blog is about a day with some help I stepped out of my comfort zone and shows the internal dialogue that can stop me going out with friends, cause me to be snippy and argumentative and even stop me from progressing but dear readers it is not the end I have researched and tried many methods and so long as no one pushes me I find my own way of getting there. There is a light at the end of the dark and twisty tunnel but I will get there one day.
The sun was warm, but I couldn’t feel it, the stupid ringing of the alarm shocked my mind into consciousness after being asleep for only a few hours earlier. I’ve been awake for a few hours and already mind has thought of over a million things for the day. What if I just pull the cover me again and just ignore the next alarm why do I need to prove anything to myself I don’t.
Ahhhh enough please…. breathe
Right on que the alarm, ok lets do this, you booked it for a reason and you paid for it to make sure you went… so get yourself up and have breakfast, get everyone out the door and then you stroll down and get the train. Simple right….
The steam rises from the cup as a million thoughts skip through my head, some narrowly missing each other while others have a head on collision spiralling out of control…. I’m going to be late.
I quicken my pace, but I should be running, the kids play joyously as they wait on the bus to school, I’m never going to make the train but at least I tried…. A gathering of unhappy commuters tells me the train is late and my heart sinks a little.
Breathe….
Think of all times you have been through this when meeting with your friends it always works out in the end so just take it all in. you know I think my brain actually tried to stop me leaving the house like it literally thought of every reason not to but you have and look at that view this morning, look at the dogs playing on the beach it was worth it.
But you won’t know anyone here, they will judge you, your opinion doesn’t matter, and it never does…
Breathe….
Why are you doing this just go home
Breathe…… STOP
“hey, thought what will you do for me today?”
Silence blissful silence, my feet start walking again the warm sun breaks through the cold autumn air, its early and there is no one around. The air smells of saltwater and the annoying noise of seagulls fills the air…. No, they are not going to swoop down and peck your eyes out… quite sure but speed up a little just in case.
There it is… the place I’m meant to be
There is no one here, you came you tried, and you can go home now
“Hi, are you here for the mental health mind thing?”
Darn it shhhh you “yes I am”
I smile a small victory over my mind too bad anxiety your out of luck…. But oh, gods your about to walk into a room of strangers
Hahaha you should have listened, its not too late to walk out you know…. no, wait what are you doing don’t you open that door.
“Hi how are you”
Ok just need to keep this momentum going, you’re here, safe and this is going to be worth it. Ahh but remember what that person said you can’t help anyone if you have mental health problems yourself.
“seriously, what are you going to do for me today? Nothing that’s what I thought now I am here to challenge myself, empower myself, learn and well just all round enjoy myself so if you don’t mind just sshhhh”
Face palm…. Introduction time great I have nothing, you’re not as inspiring as these other people.
STOP…. BREATHE…. you haven’t done anything inspiring yet remember the power of yet, think of all the reasons you want this knowledge, remember that the reason you are doing this is because every day you conquer the fight that goes on and you CAN help other people do it too.
Well dear readers I won’t bore you anymore but after two days I completed a mental health first aid course and got my certificate GO ME. The biggest part for me was that it was something I accomplished for myself and no one pushed me into it (which heightens those feelings). I took myself out of my comfort zone and came out a little stronger for it, I am now ready for the next challenge.
“Ravana, RAVANA….”
The dwarf lay on the cold damp floor, ringing filled her ears as through blurry eyes she looked for the source of the calling. The taste of iron filled her mouth and a wet trickle made its way down from her forehead, a shadow lingered over a body lying near water. Ravana called out the creature turning sharply and began lurking towards the dwarf, she pulled herself backwards towards the warmth of the fire shaking her head to try and clear it.
“Galurak…. A little help here”
“be there in a second I’m a bit busy doll”
“Nereida… help me…. Nereida??”
At the water’s edge the half elf Nereida stirred at the sound of her name as a voice filled her head,
“go to the water child…quickly I can save you”
She pulled herself too far and hard landing directly into the water, the ice cold seeping through her clothes, water rushing into her mouth filling her lungs and just as she was about to go unconscious her eyes flicked open her feet finding the bed and kicking off.
A groan of pain caused Ravana to take her eyes off her stalker to see Galurak laying on the floor still, as she tried to get up to crawl to him, she felt sharp claws dig into her ankle. With her free leg she kicked the creatures face causing it to yelp her sudden freedom caused her to throw herself to her feet and attempt to get to the half orc…. But the creature snarled lunging at her once more digging its claws into her ankle.
“let her go” Nereida stood her eyes white and her voice was different, commanding however the creature was not alone and a third one pounced on her causing them to roll away.
The creature tightened its grip on the ankle of Ravana, and she screamed in pain unable to free herself from it claws causing more damage. It pulled her closer, and for the first time Ravana was able to see the snarling grey matted fur, the sharp teeth shining behind the putrid smell of rotten meat as the creature’s saliva dripped from it chin. She swung her arm her fist connecting with its muzzle, it yelped but grabbed her arm pulling her in. The dwarf helpless closed her eyes tears running down her face, she cried out for help and tried to pull away but it was no use this was the end… the air grew colder, the creature paused its hot breathe now visible, it growled and digging its claws into the dwarves shoulder she closed her eyes…. The creature yelped and its grip loosened on Ravana, she pulled away looking at the creature held in place by a translucent shimmering hand.
“that ought to hold, ya daft mutt”
Ravana turned wincing in pain to see a halfling coming towards her, shock across her face as he stooped next to her
“are you alright lass?”
“who are you?”
“not the time… can you walk?”
Behind the halfling another creature growled, they both turned worried looks on their faces, as a freezing wind howled past and from the cold mist jumped a being covered in white scales swinging his sword into the creatures neck sending its head rolling down the hill, his great head swung round as he called over his shoulder…
“help the half elf …. I’ve got the orc”
A whistle of arrows flew past Ravana’s ears towards Nereida who was holding the creature and was causing slight damage, an arrow landed in the creatures shoulder it turned growling as a female jumped from the rocks driving a dagger into its shoulder. The creature howled in pain and hitting her off, Nereida joined the fight working together they delivered blow after blow.
The white dragonborn ran toward the half orc Galurak, the creature noticed him and ran calling for the others to retreat, with a flash of light the hand was broken, and the creatures ran back to bridge over the river.
“The river can make you strong, go to it” said the voice inside Nereida’s head.
The half elf staggered into the river, arrows once again sailing through the air towards the creatures as they began to cross the bridge. They faltered the water had risen shaking the bridge.
“not so fast beasts” Nereida raised her hand, as she did a wave rose and headed towards the bridge with speed. The shaking bridge had kept the creatures from crossing, as the wave neared the bridge a great form rose from the water in the shape of a bearded man. Its great hands slid under it breaking the stilts it was laid upon and lifted the bridge looking at the cowering creatures and with a smile he ate them, the form disappeared back into the river and it became still again. Nereida waded from the water, from her side Ravana heard the strangers voice.
“that’s my kind of woman…” as he watched Nereida in awe she fell to her knees seaweed spewing from her mouth, his face screwed up “well…. The stranger the better I say… now missy lets see if we can get you on your feet.”
“who are you?”
“LORCAN…. Are you alright?” cried the dragonborn
“I’m him lass Lorcan…. yeah Targa I’m just fantastic but the girl is pretty hurt”
“Nadora…. Aidene are you alright?” called the dragonborn towards two female figures now helping Nereida up.
“sure… just helping this one up” said Nadora
The dragonborn looked down at the half orc his great face warm “can you walk my friend”
“sure… well maybe”
“I’m Targa by the way” said the dragonborn holding out his giant clawed hand.
“Galurak” he replied wincing as he got to his feet…. “where did you come from?”
“all in good time, right now we need to find somewhere safe, three werewolves are a small number”
“werewolves? oh, gods will we become one?”
“easy I think you were merely lunch for them”
The two great figures slowly headed towards the dwarf and halfling who was tending to her wounds
“fine mess of an ankle you’ve got here, but nothing we can get fixed up for ya”
The halfling fixed his hair as he noticed Nereida headed towards them, he became frustrated with the top which has a few strands refusing to stay down, he blushed, and his words fumbled.
“alright…. She’s alright I mean…. Erm nice to meet you I’m Lorcan…. just helping that’s all amazing thing you did there…. erm you alright now?”
“oh, my Nadora have you ever seen such a thing?” said Aidene
“what’s that?” said Nadora
“a bard lost for words” replied Aidene
“oh, shut up you too or you can sleep here tonight”
“we are only teasing” they both responded
Galurak ran towards the dwarf, he too was covered in blood, but he embraced the dwarf “Ravana… I’m… I’m sorry I just couldn’t”
“now don’t you go worrying your think head about it” she replied.
“well that is just a weird sight aint it” said Lorcan
“you get used to it eventually” replied Nereida
The halfling jumped at her voice, his cheeks turning red with embarrassment as the dragonborn stepped forward.
“my name is Targa, this is Lorcan and those two are Nadora and Aidene… we don’t have much time but if you like we can offer you shelter…”
“hey big guy… I believe it is my house and only I can invite people” Lorcan’s eyes met Nereida’s “would you like to stay with me tonight….” He turned pink and panic set in as his words fumbled “erm all of you, I offer you a meal and shelter…. maybe some medical aid… oh shut up you two”
Nadora and Aidene were now giggling at the halfling.
It was Galurak who answered “I think it best at least for tonight and we thank you Lorcan…. My name is Galurak, this is my girlfriend Ravana and that is Nereida.
The half elf was spitting as she waved “hi… stupid saltwater”
Nadora looked confused…. “saltwater…. that is a freshwater stream though”
“hey, I never asked for this any of it”
“right let’s go shall we… you their big fella erm Galurak mind carrying your lady and let’s go” said Lorcan
Galurak was unable to lift the dwarf and so Targa did it closely followed by the half orc, the lumbered after the halfling to the edge of the woods just to where the bridge had been. Lorcan raised his hands “eldamo”
“isn’t that gnomish?” said Nereida
“It’s all I know I’m afraid” Lorcan smiled before disappearing through the doorway of light closely followed by Targa and the rest of the group.
“let the birds sing hmmm mmm hmmm, I have forgotten the words dilly dally? Hmm that’s not right”
Nereida was startled awake by a strange voice, she found herself in a room with stone walls on a bed of sheepskin and blankets.
“oh, for the love of…. will you tweet somewhere else you’re driving me insane”
In a panic she looked around for her belongings and her foot touched the cold stone floor she winced gasping in air. The stranger appeared in a doorway, she was half of Nereida’s height, her hair red and wild.
“ah, about time you were awake I was thinking we would have to feed you to the wolves…. Geez girl laugh I’m joking the healing light would punish me for that.”
Nereida blinked in the false light
“who…. Where…. What?”
“aahhhhh, I don’t have time for this girlie… Look you were wandering around the wilderness barely alive I might add, I followed you and found you collapsed and well it is my duty as a follower of the healing light that I help those in need.”
“the healing what?”
“light, geez try to keep up, anyway you are in the great dwarven city of Bogam welcome and all that and you can stay here for as long as you like again your welcome”
“dwarven city? Who are you?”
“oh well that was rude of me…. My name is Ravana”
“why haven’t you all been killed by Ryker he hates all beings that are different”
The dwarf grew quiet, “well that is not a story I wish to discuss at this time, but he is an evil man if that is what he is… you should get more rest”
Ravana bowed to leave causing Nereida to panic “please I fear I have rested enough, and I have an important mission”
“oh yeah the Dragonborn….”
“how did you know that?” Nereida suddenly grew suspicious of the stranger
“could you relax please… you talk a lot in your sleep, and I thought you a little mad, but I am assured that the man in the lake is in fact a deity”
“A deity? How can you be sure?”
“well the healing light never lies, and she is my deity of choice even though she came to me”
“came to you in what way?”
“you are inquisitive aren’t you, again missy it is not the time for such chat, but if you insist on being up and awake let’s get you some food.”
The dwarf stomped over and with her strong hands caught Nereida’s arm as she stumbled to her feet suddenly week, she looked worried at the dwarf who smiled back at her, the dwarves face was softened and warm now. Looking at her now Nereida wondered how she could breathe because of the necklace she wore, and what kind of life did she have with the scars on her face. They walked down a dimly lit hallway pasted several grumpy looking dwarves who either mumbled about digging deeper or grunted an acknowledgment as they passed them. Suddenly they walked through a great archway and they were faced with a great cavern, staircases were intricately laid throughout and lanterns lit the vast open space. Above her head Nereida could make out moving shapes but it was unclear what it was, and she dared not dwell on it.
“I know it doesn’t look like much, but it is home” Ravana’s face was filled with pride.
“how… how far unground are we?”
“far enough that the king’s men won’t find us, the way we like it now come on get those legs working”
“are you always this bossy?”
The dwarf laughed and pulled her onwards, until they reached the kitchen where she placed Nereida in a chair and made her eat.
“when you are ready, I can help you out of the city and point you in the direction of the one you seek.”
“and how exactly do you know where he is?”
“divine intervention is all you need to know, now wander the city if you like but I must go and see to the temple”
With that the dwarf was gone, speeding down the corridors driven by some unseen force. No eye contact was made with the residents of the city something pulled her to the temple, she sighed as she crossed the thresh hold. The temple was filled with so much light for an underground city and there was life everywhere you turned.
“I have been expecting you child……”
The voice came from nowhere and everywhere, Ravana had heard it many times and was familiar with it however it still caused her fright.
“hahaha every time Ravana and yet you enter and tend to my temple every day”
“I just don’t expect you to be here is all…. What do you want anyway?”
“careful, I may have chosen you but there are always punishments for our choices. If you must know I’m here to send you on a quest for me if you are truly loyal to me”
“you know I am…. What is this quest?”
“Nereida you will help her….”
“out of the city I know that my father already told me that”
“hmm no, you will go with her on this journey”
“me? why?”
“I hate evil child and there is a great one plaguing this land and who better to rid the world of him than me and you”
“I can’t leave the city”
“your father will be pleased, and you know this to be true…. An adventure and quest laid out for you by your deity why wouldn’t he be”
With that she was gone leaving Ravana alone in the temple “great” she stomped out to her room mumbling as she walked. She slammed her room door closed throwing herself onto her bed just as her father limped into the room.
“dearest Ravana, what is wrong?”
The dwarf was old and worn from the many battles that he had been part of over the centuries
“you will be pleased to know that I have been chosen for a quest father”
“what wonderful news, you should leave immediately I will have it arranged”
“don’t I get a say in this? What if I don’t want to?”
“I thought you were strong in your faith and out deity”
“I am but there are other ways to show it not stomping through the wild looking for a dragonborn who is said to be a murderer because some half elf just happens to get themselves into trouble.”
“remember your place here child, you will bring honour to us once again”
With that the old dwarf left the room and once more she was alone. She lay looking at the ceiling the bats chirping outside she screamed as it echoed around the cavern outside her window. After several hours of sulking she pulled herself together changing into travelling clothes, grabbing her hammer and headed to find Nereida who was now playing hide and seek.
“we have to go… well don’t just stand there let’s get going”
“going where?”
“it seems that the higher powers wish me to go with you”
Nereida hugged the dwarf lifting her from the ground in the embrace.
“that was embarrassing don’t do it again…. Now come on”
They walked through the cavern to the cheers of the dwarves, news had spread quickly of the quest and they headed to the gates, standing with a foot on the wall a toothpick in his mouth stood a tall figure with greenish skin. He squinted at them as they approached and when he spoke his voice was deep.
“thought you could leave without saying goodbye did you”
“don’t be stupid, I knew you would be here” said Ravana with a wink
“so, this it then?”
The dwarf grabbed the tall figures shirt pulling him down for a head butt
“get the bloody bags and let’s go” she gave him a kiss as his deep laugh filled the cavern.
“yes sir”
“oh, and this is Nereida she’s the reason for this little adventure.”
Lorcan stood both hands bracing himself on the door as he panted, his mind raced with an internal battle she couldn’t be here not now but then he did owe her. The halfling cried out in frustration banging his fist on the door, slowly he opened the door.
“Nadora my dear how lovely to see you, but I’m afraid now isn’t a good time”
“I don’t really care if it is or not, we need shelter”
“You should try an inn”
“Lorcan….” Nadora tried to enter the house but there was a flash of light and she fell to the ground
“Nadora” Aidene rushed to her side shaking her
“she’s alright just knocked out”
“what did you do to her troll”
“hey there is no need for name callin…… I told her it wasn’t a good time for visitors”
Aidene stood up her fists clenched as she walked towards the halfling
“ah now think about it, your sister wasn’t invited in and neither are you”
“Lorcan was it?”
“well yeah” said the halfling
“my name is Aidene and Nadora is my sister, she saved me a few days ago and brought me here for reasons I don’t know but we need your help……. Please”
The halfling sighed puffing up his cheeks scanning the horizon wildly
“aaahh, alright then come in before the king’s men appear on patrol” he clicked his fingers as a slight shimmer filled the surrounding air pulsing out towards Aidene and with a flash of pale silvery light, two men appeared next to Nadora. They were dressed in black tuxedos and bowed to Aidene before carefully lifting Nadora
“don’t worry Aidene… I just need a little help mi only small after all.”
She gave a weak smile and followed them inside, Aidene blinked her way into the well-lit corridor with wooden walls and the wooden floor creaked beneath her feet. The hallway was covered in round doors, the ceiling was unusually high for a halfling.
“sir…. where should we put the lady?”
“ah well there is a thought”
“surely you have a spare room here”
“now I wasn’t expecting visitors and when I created this house, I didn’t put any in…. in any case best put her in my room I can give that up I suppose”
“thank you” Aidene said with a curtsy
“well follow me I suppose you are hungry” he led her down the winding corridors, until Aidene heard a voice calling
“I thought you didn’t have visitors?”
“well he is more a companion than visitor really”
“alright just no more surprises”
As they entered through the round door at the end of the hall, there was a blast of cold air and it took a minute for Aidene’s eyes to adjust to the dull lighting. When they did, she noticed that there were more of the tall silvery men in tuxedos bustling around with serving plates. Then Aidene’s followed one of them to the source of the voice, sitting on the other side of the room was a figure, their skin looked rough and whiter than the springs snow drops. Aidene was frozen to the spot in shock as she gazed upon his face…. the face of a dragon and yet his eyes held a softness to them, he stood up his face stern.
“Lorcan, how could you bring her here?”
“huh” the halfling was confused
“she is the king’s daughter”
The halfling jumped back shocked “wait what”
“get away from her”
“no please…… I can explain”
“it’s true? That little rat I should kill her in her sleep”
“I’m not asleep anymore Lorcan”
The sound of Nadora’s voice behind him caused the halfling to scream out as he jumped forward.
“don’t bloody do that”
“a rat, am I? Let’s not forget that if it wasn’t for me you would have been in the belly of one long ago”
The stranger had began walking towards Aidene his eyes glowing a bright blue
“not so fast” Nadora steeped between him and her sister with a knife drawn
“don’t think I won’t hurt you” he paused for a moment taking her in “you are twins? Twice the satisfaction since I can’t get your father now”
“he is not my father or hers, he is a disease on this world”
“well at least we can agree on something but I’m afraid you could be telling me lies”
He lifted his hand as the air grew colder around them
“hhh hmmm, may I remind you that violence is not permitted and if you do, we could all be in trouble…. Just once I wish I could use this place for 48 hours and nothing bad happen. Look if you like why don’t we sit down and talk this through if tomorrow you still aren’t convinced then….”
The halfling made an explosion gesture with his hands before sitting at the table as the servants brought the first course.
“I hope you all like rabbit stew”
Aidene screwed her face in disgust
“listen princess it’s all there is out here on short notice”
“what about deer they are plentiful at this time of year”
“well you feel free to go catch some, in the meantime it’s this or you go hungry”
“thanks” as she turned to sit down Nadora was already stuffing the food down her throat without chewing.
“hmmmn nmmdph ggggdddd”
“see, your sister likes it”
“enough of this, you better get to explaining yourselves” the figure leaned against the wall with his arms crossed scowling at the girls.
“it’s a little dry Lorcan….. a little like the company you keep, clearly hasn’t been around females much”
The halfling snorted in laughter “he hasn…. that is very rude of you dear and she didn’t mean it”
“what is your name” Aidene’s voice was shaky
“why don’t you tell me what I want to know, and I will decide if I am to give that information or not”
“our parents were artist who travelled the lands painting the world, around 25 years ago they got into a little trouble and a group of travelling druids helped them eventually they were invited to live within their community…. when we were young enough to be persuaded of other things the druids had left the village and we were left behind, that’s when the king came looking for them only he found us… as I lay asleep in my bed they came, took my sister and mother but not before killing my father, several hours later I awoke to find him and since then I have grew in strength learning combat and the ways of the wild. On the eve of my 16th birthday the druids came to me and told me that my sister was alive enslaved by the king and that my mother had fought back and lost her life for it…. I knew I had to do something.
“Nadora…. I am so sorry” tears ran down Aidene’s cheeks
“it seems you have just as much reason for wanting the king dead as I do”
“geez I don’t think I have enough wine in the pantry to lift the mood in this room” said Lorcan as he slowly chewed a piece of bread.
“what reason do you have for wishing it” asked Nadora
The stranger opened his mouth to speak, but it was Aidene who spoke first
“he killed your mother and the man who care for you, then you killed his men” her eyes were wide as she spoke “I know who you are…… Targa”
The dragonborn bowed his head to her
“I never really believed the stories they told of you; I mean how could they be true”
“wait what stories?” Nadora was suddenly on edge
“well I am a descendant of the old king cursed or blessed with the power of the dragons, so you decide.”
“they say he destroyed a whole village after the king killed everyone”
“well good for you I say” Nadora was smiling at him “this could be the start of a beautiful partnership”
“partnership? Oh no he is not going near the city nope not a chance… silly girl” Lorcan became panicked
“Loran… don’t you long to perform in front of people and not be hunted for what you are?” Targa could be persuasive when he wanted to be
“you are all crazy…. But I could use some new material for my act”
“I am curious… how you met my sister”
“oh, that is a tale for another day”
“Lorcan…. you know none of us will sleep tonight” said Targa
“Lorcan is right its not the time” said Nadora
“this must be good…. I think there was some sort of love affair going on” said Aidene
“ppfft please”
“yeah she’s not my type”
“hmm” Aidene looked at him with a sly grin
“fine…… a few years ago I was working a bar like I always did when your sister who was under the influence of wine approached me and kissed….”
“LORCAN, I swear you better tell the truth with this”
“tut, alright… fine… I was under the influence and I tried to kiss her, only she punched me in the face”
Targa sniggered
“Gee thanks pal, anyway nothing keeps this guy down and I moved onto other ladies in the bar and you wouldn’t believe it no luck with any of them, they just didn’t know what they were missing…”
Nadora coughed and Lorcan scowled at her
“anyway, I kept at it, and just before closing time there she was standing by herself by the bar, tall slender her body encased in the most seductive dress imaginable her breasts….”
“Lorcan… focus please”
“yes dear… anyway I knew a guy like me would never get a girl like that, but nothing ventured nothing gained and at closing time she asked me back to her place.”
“why do I get a bad feeling about this?” Targa was smirking
“because he is an idiot” said Nadora
“alright Naddie you take it from here since you enjoy it so”
She scowled “alright. I was in town on a hunt several villagers had vanished over the course of a few months and they all had one thing in common they all went to the same bar the night before they disappeared, and the same female was described in each one. So, I tracked her down and I watched her, but it was like she knew… until Lorcan, that night she took him back to her house and he never left. The next morning, I sneaked into the house and found this idiot in the basement chained up with two puncture wounds in his neck. Yip she was a vampire and was keeping him alive to feed off for a while, so I began to search the house and eventually I found her and drove a stake through her and took Lorcan to safety. I never thought I would see him after that, but I became his muse for a while providing him with stories, he could make songs about….”
“until one day I woke up and she was gone from this house, no note or explanation just gone and now she comes here saying I owe her” Lorcan retorted
“in a way you kind of do, she saved you and you used her” said Aidene
“hey, don’t change the subject”
“I am sorry Lorcan dear”
The halflings face grew red as he fidgeted
“well… I suppose it is alright…. No harm done really”
“we should rest we can discuss more tomorrow what we plan to do” Targa said, and he left the room
“yes, well that is an idea…. Good night ladies Nadora you know where the room is for you and your sister” when he was safely out of the room, he slapped his face and muttered under his breathe
“like her, do you?” Targa sniggered
“oh, shut up you”
It’s that time again dear readers, yip you guessed more ramblings of an overthinking mind. I will be honest this is something that I say often even when I don’t want to, its that old being hard on myself trick that I have perfected over the years but imagine if for once that changed…. What if the imagination took over. I find that people will look at my sketches and follow a compliment up with a criticism of themselves “I can’t draw”
STOP…. of course, you can since the age you first picked up a pencil you have been able to draw and even now as an “adult” you can still draw your imagination has just gotten a little filled with other things…. you don’t believe me? Ok let’s try a little something to wake up the imagination and prove that you can in fact draw…. get yourself a piece of paper and a pencil now I would like you to think about a dog, really think about it what colour is it? How big is it? Does it have floppy ears? You get the idea now draw it.
Wow that is amazing…… here is the point and a fun fact probably no one has drawn that exact dog in that way because our little…. sorry big imaginations all work very different. Do you think Picasso looked at his work and said I can’t draw? Of course, he didn’t…. so why are you? This may come as a surprise to you but we are all so wonderfully unique that no one could draw like him, they may come close but it wouldn’t be anything like it and that is the beauty of the mind.
Don’t get me wrong I say it often out of fear and then anxiety takes over and before you know it, I’ve talked myself out of doing something and I’m an over thinker, so I ponder it. Then I think of my kids who will use these words a million times a day and usually when I’ve asked them to pick up something or tidy…. but I would hate to think that they walked around thinking that they couldn’t do something because they fear it or its difficult. My son for example is a budding artist but “I can’t draw like that… how is that possible?” and my response “yet…. you can’t draw like that yet” and so I would say the same to you all use the power of yet watch how it changes your whole outlook. A change of mindset might just be the key to unlocking your potential, here are some examples to try….
I don’t understand this………………………………………. what am I missing?
This is too hard………………………………………………. This may take some time.
I can’t do this………………………………………. I’m going to work on this until I can.
Practice…. No athlete in the world was born with the ability to do something they practiced, they visualised, and they worked consistently…. Dream big, do what you feel passionate about stop letting other people tell you what you can’t do… you can but without that consistency you will never finish.
“failure is a sign that you are trying”
So don’t be afraid to fail, look at your blue print of your life that you have created for yourself are you were you thought you would be alter it if you need to but ask yourself are you reaching that potential, are you happy with it? If there is something in there you are not then work on changing it, find that new dream and set goals to reaching it…… remember dreams without goals are just that……. dreams.
Every Sunday I sit at my laptop and madly hit the letters on the keyboard and pray my ramblings make a little sense to someone, I sit late at night too with a little panic because I’m trying to create that consistency waging an internal war with myself “I can’t write” and a few months ago I would have closed the laptop and given up resigned to the mindset. I believe I can write…. just not well but there is a little voice in there somewhere kind of muffled like it’s trapped in a wardrobe…. Possibly Narnia (maybe it’s Liam Neeson as Aslan, just hopefully not the voice from Taken) anyway its there and it says
“Every failed experiment is a step closer to success”
So I wake up every Monday at crazy o’clock, I switch on the laptop followed by the kettle and once I have the perfect brew in my cup I sit down to edit and then filled with dread that it is awful I post it. I keep coming back, out of passion or maybe I’ve listened to the wrong people and thoughts for far too long and I long for that freedom of being just me…. and with time who knows I may start believing in myself, because I should and should all of you dear readers.
Think of it this way, does the sun stay in bed because no one can look at it they do the moon…. no, it rises each day filled with the same warmth and bringing with it the potential for anyone brave enough to Carpe diem. On the other side of that coin does the moon not rise because it can’t compete with the sun of course not because with the moon comes the self-reflection of those fails, plans and the dreams. Both are equally beautiful, and so are you.
The truth is each and everyone of us has the power and drive to do things for ourselves…. still don’t believe me? No? well dear readers your still with me reading this with your morning brew or on your morning commute or dare I say it in your bathroom. I know it doesn’t seem like much but STOP……. Stop selling yourself short with things that little thing of reading a silly little blog is an ember…. an ember to the start of a fire, just think if you have the drive to read something when others would have passed it by think what else you could do.
“you’ve got to dream big and fail big”
Do me a favour get a pen and piece of paper, got it? Ok now look at the picture above…. I mean really look at it.
No this is not some trick it has a purpose, so now I would like you to write down what you see, really take it in, what is it? What does it mean to you? Now if you will excuse me there is a jar of heaven… I mean taffy calling I will be right back.
Ok so what did I miss…. oh yes writing what you see, if my calculations are right which they might not be (I’m a writer not a mathematician), but did you write about that black dot? what about that white area? Didn’t write about it huh…. don’t feel bad the first time I did this exercise I didn’t either.
You see I focused so hard on that black dot, filled with negativity, coldness, heaviness and all consuming. The colour washed over me and the thoughts that followed took that tone.
However, there is another part to that picture, yip the white part…. white a sign of purity, simplicity, opportunity and reflection. Let that settle in for a minute, it is like most things in life we see the bad and never notice the good and there is where most of our energy is focused
But what if we could change that?
Ask yourself would you say the following to a loved one or better yet a child?
You look awful
You’re not enough
You can’t do it
No? I had hoped not if the answer was yes yikes…. Now ask yourself why are you having these daily dialogues with yourself? Why not try to change it, I know it’s not easy, but it is the start of the journey. Believe me I know how hard this is, to be honest if negative self-talk was an Olympic sport, I’d get the gold, but I am still on the road and wanted some company. The best explanation I’ve ever heard of this is
“we all have two wolves; both are hungry we just have to chose which one to feed and work a little harder at it”
Matthew McConaughey
If you are interested in this a little more I highly recommend reading the Two Wolves story, which was introduced to me by one of my amazing blog followers.
So now let’s try a little self-love or positive self-talk, take yourself a toddle to a mirror I can wait for you but when you get there look at yourself in there…. give yourself a wave, now close your eyes and say something positive to yourself for example
“It’s ok. No matter what happens, I can handle it”
Now open your eyes repeat it a little louder, louder. LOUDER… phew I feel better now, practice this morning and night, during the bad times and the good times. Most important with each vocalisation take a note of the look in your eyes and the changes in your facial expression….. smiling yet? good
Remember we become what we believe
“people who believe that they can and people who believe they can’t are usually right”
One of my methods of trying to tackle this has been a thought journal where I write down the negative, look for a way to change it, and get rid of the thought. There are a million resources out there when you feel ready to start this journey but let me leave you with this message
YOU ARE STRONG
YOU ARE ENOUGH
YOU ARE IN CONTROL
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO.
Now toddle back to that mirror and tell yourself these things over and over again watch how your whole perception changes, but I hope this kind of lingers with you a little today so when you work colleagues get in your face and you feel like giving up, or you have an argument with a loved one or someone tries to put you down….. replay this in your head or let Pooh bear tumble in there with his words, he is much better at than I (I better go write that thought down)
Yip here we all are just winging our way through this amazing, terrifying, fun, confusing, unpredictable often exciting thing called….. life.
No matter how much we plan or want things in life it rarely works out that way and if it has for you congratulations. I was having a discussion the other day about this very topic and as conversations often do, I began thinking even more about the words, you see when I was younger I wanted two things kids and to settle in New Zealand. I know your probably thinking like so many other people I have crossed paths with over the years…. Its not really a career of any kind, and I understand your thinking. Life happens and sadly due to other people’s opinions getting way too far in my head I haven’t travelled the world or settled in New Zealand, some day…. But I am a mother and it is more than I could ever imagined.
If you were ever looking for evidence that we are all winging it just look at parents, I know if you don’t have kids this is topic will make you yawn but it’s the purest example. My whole life I wanted kids, I’d spend hours imagining what they would look like, the personalities they would have but mostly the kind of mother I’d be. So, when the time came to pee on that stick I felt ready for this amazing adventure into mother hood I had it all planned out in my head, id read all the books I faced it all head on. I had listened to all the arguments of that is your life over once you have kids blah blah blah…. Bring it on.
Well that was an interesting nine months, hunger like I’d never felt before, being annoyed and angry with most people over silly little things, there was tiredness that meant that if I was still awake after 2pm in the afternoon I was of no use to anyone and as my partner found out likely to fall asleep mid conversation with you. As the months progressed and I grew in size, people gave me there “words of wisdom” of parenthood and still I believed I was ready for it despite the horror birthing stories. Then one night it happened… labour, right in the middle of the night, so I took myself downstairs popped on David Attenbrough and did laps of the coffee table stopping now and then to make sure the foundations of the house were still sturdy. I would wipe the sweat from my brow and tears from my eyes and then pace some more trying to focus on David’s soothing tones, but all I really heard in my head was “here we see the old mother preparing herself for the birth of her offspring” it seemed to never end and the pain intensified until I called the midwife “take two paracetamol, have a bath and try and get some sleep”
Really? But it worked and 23 hours from when it all started he was here, as the midwife placed him on my chest for skin to skin contact my little boy who I had talked to, tolerated the heart burn and kicking for 9 months peed on me. Still it was love like I’ve never felt and the dream was a reality, I endured the silly comments of “you look tired and pale for visiting time and then basked in the glory of being alone with this little person and the peace that came with him.
BOOM REALITY
Sleepless nights, poo galore, nappies on backwards, projectile vomit but in spite of all of that I wanted more kids. The midwives told me it was hormones and I would change my mind but I didn’t, but I changed things that I would have taken like a pinch of salt clung to me feeding my self esteem turning it negative, suddenly I had to deal with things I never had before… thank goodness I had my partner looking out for me.
There were a thousand memories of those years as a family of three like the time he took his nappy off I wont share too much you might be eating, we had to find solutions to many problems that is all trial and error. I have heard many people say that sometimes you need to take a break from your kids and its true you do for their sake and yours, if I learned anything in the first few years it was just wing it and ignore everyone else’s views on the matter.
Baby number two was to be different, I was determined and so I had all the plans set in my head, only a rather eventful pregnancy made me worry that our little lady wouldn’t make it. Again, its that thing called life…. But she did thankfully four weeks ahead of schedule, the birth was the most amazing experience compared to my sons. She was born in a birthing pool we laughed and joked with the midwife who laughed at me after ever contraction because I zoned out and in of the conversation like I was never in pain. Towards the end I was asking her what I was even thinking having another baby, she would give me my answer when I lifted my daughter out of the water and then she peed on me. Emotions are a terrible thing especially other peoples, my plans fell apart and because of that I felt that something was missing, however the poo continued, projectile vomit, crying and not sleeping were all there just like before.
The feeling of failure that followed was something I never planned for, I had never experienced it before and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it is a battle I continue to struggle with now. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it is ok to not have that connection and it doesn’t make you terrible.
My son is nearing 9 now and I can honestly say that all those years have been filled with trial and error, changing beliefs, finding our own way in this parenting world. There are times where I question how I am as a mother because I am so far from the dream one I imagined I would be, but I just remind myself that life has a funny way of guiding us and I am learning to be open to that. I do know that all that winging it has helped to developed two independent, clever, problem solving, funny, playful and downright amazing children. I’m pretty sure I’ve made a few mistakes along the way and I know I lost myself a little too, but it’s all part of the fun and journey….. I’m just working on enjoying finding my path.
So, there you have it an example of winging it, in the purest form but think about it dear readers there must be something in your own life…. Life is this wonderful thing that we all have, and we continue to be on the pursuit of happiness within it, some of us struggle more than others in that pursuit but we keep pushing through. Be proud of any and every step towards progress you make, and every step back is just part of the process not a failing.
“if you have a dream you have to protect it don’t let anyone take it from you”
Sometimes the best things in life are the things we are not ready for so just keep winging it your doing great 😊
“There I was on the banks of the river, a diversion from my stroll home from the tavern the morning drawing in, bathing the hilltops in its warming glow. Yet the clouds held a grey tone and how they lingered around the slopes…. those slopes which hold so much life, a foundation for trees, grass and ferns”
He had their attention, with open jaws they stared at the halfling in awe, his trousers just below the knee, and his boots so worn that his hairy feet were now the sole. A deep red shirt was below his waistcoat and a small dagger hung at his waist, despite his flamboyant style the halfling blended into the crowd. The tavern was full tonight, much busier than usual…. he had the room; everyone’s attention was on him just the way he liked it. The smell of spilled ale filled the air, a roaring fire in the corner where strangers in dark cloaks hid in their darkness, the taverns owner was tall, and round and his booming laugh could be heard over the constant chatter.
“I had grown tired of this town and certain people’s power over me, bound to the rules and regulations of this world. In my frustration I threw a stone, the ripples pushed across the wide river once again pulling my eyes towards those peaks cloaked in green of the ghost like trees silently observing the world below and yet the hills were all that conversed with me, what was under that skirt of cloud? They called to me from across the water… I had to know”
The halfling began to sing, solemn at first but growing, and soon those gaping jaws of wonder were broad smiles and laughter, as the audience found their feet. Dancing around the room spilling more ale over the floor adding to its stickiness. The halfling bewitched the instruments and they started to play and encouraging the crowd with his words. Then he too started to dance, his overly hairy feet keeping time with the drum and his arms flowing with the sound of the flute and guitar.
As he snapped his case closed at the end of the night, heavy footsteps behind caused him to reach for his knife… he had been here before. A small bag landed at his foot with a clink as the tavern owners voice said
“you did good tonight, I’m sure they will be back”
The halfling smirked opening the bag, but it would fade just as quickly as it appeared upon seeing its contents.
“not much in here tonight”
The owner sighed
“that’s why the king’s men were here… demanding more money, they say it is a small price to pay for the protection they give us”
“PROTECTION” the halfling was furious
“I’m sorry Lorcan, truly I am”
“here” Lorcan threw the little bag and the owner fumbled to catch it with a confused look on his face.
“but it is your payment”
“Ah you need it more, but for the sake of the gods hide it for yourself, but when the world is right again and Ryker is gone I may return seeking that payment my old friend… well I must be off I need my handsome sleep after all see you tonight”
He picked up his case and left the tavern, the owner shouting thanks as the door swung shut. He stepped into the darkened street and the cold of the late-night air, it seemed that the town had come into an unusual cold spell… he started walking his halfling feet making no noise as he began to whistle. Voices ahead caused him to freeze…
“you hear that?”
Lorcan became frantic as thoughts of guards filled his head, he quickly turned down an alley, in his panic he had become less than quiet, and the guards were drawn to the sound of his reckless feet and they were fast. As Lorcan ran past one of the houses he was grabbed from behind and hauled into a doorway hidden in the shadows. Wriggling and squirming against the muscular figure now holding him, he heard the guards when the figure softly spoke in his ear
“I’m not going to hurt you but if you don’t stop, we will both be in trouble”
A sense of calm filled the halfling, the guards clinking armour filling his ears, the coldness of the arm holding him mixed with the roughness of the stranger’s skin…. He sensed that there was something different about this stranger. When the guards were a safe distance the stranger placed the halfling on the ground, his giant claw like hand ruffling Lorcan’s hair.
“thanks” Lorcan said with a tut
The stranger chuckled
“you should be more careful little one”
“my name is Lorcan thank you very much and I made no comment on what you are” retorted the halfling
The stranger’s eyes narrowed, and he took a step towards the halfling pulling himself taller as he spoke,
“what am I exactly?”
“a stranger in the night who has saved me” but Lorcan was stubborn and no fear took over him as he stood his ground against the stranger.
“I meant no offence lit…. Lorcan. But you should be more careful with magic”
“ahh those guards were too drunk to notice what was really going on”
“but tales from a drunken guard will spread to a not so drunken one”
The stranger’s words made the halfling pause, then he reached into his bag and pulling out a small pouch he threw it to the stranger with a clink as a large hand caught it.
“for your troubles.”
“I thought you didn’t take the owners money” the stranger said with a suspicious look.
“I didn’t and have you been following me?”
“goodnight Lorcan” with that the stranger disappeared onto the rooftop of the houses and was gone.
Lorcan pulled his cloak tightly around him shielding the halfling from the cold air as he murmured to himself “show off”
He chose his path home carefully making his way to the outskirts of the town, checking his surroundings for and signs of life the halfling reached out his had and a small clink of a lock echoed around. He dashed into the open and a great light burst forth, and quickly disappeared and with it Lorcan.
In the morning tales of Lorcan had spread through the town, growing with each retelling of them, that night would see the tavern even more full of individuals drinking ale and waiting the marvellous storyteller and his tricks. When Lorcan finally made his appearance, he was greeted with cheers and one man lifted him and carried him to the stage. Tonight, Lorcan was wearing a cap with a large pheasant feather stuck in the rim, he bowed
“I thought I might at least get a drink first, but if it is a story you want who am I to disappoint….”
The man who lifted him to the stage slid a tankard of ale across the stage to the halflings hairy feet.
“why thank you sir… now where to begin tonight…. I know…. There is a tale I heard of a dragonborn, his skin whiter than snow they say he comes from a fishing village and that he has great power. So great that he destroyed that village with his magic”
The crowd was his once more, he began to sing and just like the night before it grew, and the larger crowd shook the taverns walls as they danced. Lorcan never missed a beat and once again he bewitched those instruments into life…. it was at that moment that the man who carried him to the stage and slipped him the ale smashed a bottle on the bar and his booming voice could be heard over the noise.
“YOU”
Silence followed and the guards sprung to there feet some had disguised themselves are civilians and now revealed themselves to the crowd. The speaker was the lead guard and he was furious.
“we have rules you know”
“I thought they were guidelines” though he looked calm the halfling was frantically looking for an escape, but the guards it seems had covered all the windows.
“this isn’t funny”
“oh, I know that’s why I didn’t laugh”
“you have broken the law and you will be punished”
“fine, what is your price? 10? 20? 30 gold? I have it here in my pack… actually you can have it all, it was yours to begin with anyway”
The lead guard was shocked for a moment
“you little thief”
“HEY, there is no need for name calling that is rude and hurtful”
The crowd snorted back laughter at the exchange for no one ever stood up to the king’s guard
“the punishment for magic is…. death”
“WOW, wow, wow lets talk about this really guys it’s not like I’m breaking down the castle gates and bewitching the king”
“your right, that would be too easy. Let’s feed parts of you to the hounds….”
“death you say? I like it come on then let’s not dally on the matter”
The guards had come behind the halfling and seized him, gagging his mouth to stop him speaking magic. The halfling was brave but he was no match for two men twice his size, they forced him to his knees in front of their master a cruel smirk on his face as he drew his sword.
The door of the tavern blew open and a swirling storm of cold filled the room, a blizzard blocking their view as the lead guard was knocked off his feet. Rough hands picked the halfling up and ran into the night, when they were a safe distance from the tavern Lorcan was placed on the ground, ungagged and unbound. The halfling struggled to catch his breathe as he looked up at the tall figure in front of him.
“you?”
“your welcome”
“oh apologies, thank you for saving me back there”
“it seems you don’t take heed of warnings”
“I do, I just enjoy the excitement of pushing limits”
“well you have certainly done that Lorcan, now I should get going before this place is crawling with guards and so should you”
“wait…. I have somewhere we could at least rest away from the town until tomorrow night”
“you are an unusual fellow Lorcan…. But we?”
The halfling smirked “well I’m safer with you and you need me for tonight so yeah we”
“lead the way then before I change my mind”
The halfling lead the stranger through the town, but the journey was a slow one every turn they found guards. In frustration the stranger lifted Lorcan and scrambled onto the roofs, placing the halfling onto his back and whispering
“Point the way”
Lorcan pointed straight ahead, they made it out of the town with a few close calls, but they were safe.
“now where?”
“just up this hill my friend”
“I only see a cave”
“best get a shuffle on then” the halfling said with a smirk
When they reached the cave Lorcan reached his hand out, a bright light filling the cave and then it was gone.
The stranger now stood in a wooden hallway with low rounded ceilings, it was warmly lit and throughout the hallway round doors could be seen on each side, he had to stoop down to keep from banging his head. Lorcan could be heard bustling away in some distant room
“Lorcan…. Lorcan, where are we?”
The halfling yelled from a room
“ah well this is my house…. or it was…. I’m not sure which really if I’m honest”
“I think you better explain it to me”
The stranger had located the halfling who was darting between rooms cooking and preparing a bed, the stranger was so busy staring at him in wonder that he did not notice the low beam hitting his head with a thump. The halfling sprang to action grabbing a cold cloth out of instinct and rushing to give it to the stranger
“oh my, my, my…. apologies my friend, when I made this place this morning, I didn’t anticipate visitors of your size”
“made it? How?”
“why don’t we discuss this over dinner, Targa”
I would just like to point out that this is just me sorting through some thoughts swirling round my head and not me trying to give life advice or anything but if anyone finds it interesting then YAY me and always thanks for reading.
The road to happiness is a bumpy and winding one, and along the way we are likely to get lost on the way to that joy. Joy…what is it? Well it is described as:
English dictionary
“Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness, or an instance of such feeling.”
Huh, its odd that it would be described as an instance of a feeling when so many of us have become preoccupied with this continuous state that is happy, we place our happiness in other people, things and we look for that acceptance from others…. But what happened to our being happy in ourselves, with ourselves for ourselves, where did all the self-love go?
For me joy changes with each year, month and day. Not so long ago happiness was sitting around a camp fire in the North of Scotland at Halloween drinking way too much and being so sick only to wake up the next day sitting wrapped in a duvet praying the bacon roll you just ate stays down, happiness now is looking back on that moment and knowing that there will be friends reading this laughing and it will have the snowball effect of memories. There is that time in Glencoe when upon choosing the wrong place to camp led to the worst night, the night the wind blew those tents flat… happiness now is remembering the laughs of that night and waking up to the most amazingly calm morning. I can honestly say that since 2010 my life has been filled with moments of such joy which grew in 2014 because of my amazing children, and every day even when they are dark these two little humans can make me laugh and fill me with pride.
The human mind is so powerful on one hand it can drive you, give you purpose and on the other hand it has the power of destruction, filling you with fear and doubt and yet… humans have the power of choice. The power to make decisions is in our control, we can’t fix everything of course we can’t but we can transform a moment don’t believe me. Well dear reader maybe you didn’t read as well as you thought you did sure I’m looking back, but the principle is the same every moment we are one choice away from drive or destruction. Courage… that’s the hard part, in looking for that happiness in things and the people around us it is easy to forget that you are you, fully capable of making decisions and finding power in them.
It took falling to help me figure it out, it is easy to be positive when things are going your way but when you’re struggling you loose all perspective wrapped in the thoughts of negativity, ready to surrender to them, ready waiting in the darkness to give up. Completely convinced of that destructive thought pattern is true, and then you see it a little star it is faint but its there and suddenly you latch onto it. But ease is the greatest threat to progress…. Baby steps… the smallest step can be all the difference
“Small steps lead to big accomplishments”
Oprah
Take back that control of you, there will always be people who doubt you, tear you down by any means, their will be people who will mean well and offer help and advice, push you and this is wonderful but here is the kicker it all comes down to YOU, if you are not in love with you this kind of support can make you feel you’ve made no progress at all. If you can be truly happy with you in every aspect of you then one day will be your moment, you will open yourself up to the world and embrace it with your new found drive.
I’m going to rebuild myself…. yip one little layer at a time no matter how long it takes… it will happen.
Now to the joy of painting… don’t get yourself all worked up I haven’t forgotten although that is slightly surprising for me. Now dear readers there are no happy little trees here, I am no Bob Ross and if you don’t know who that is please YouTube it. So here it is, you may want to sit down for this, but I love to decorate…. yip the whole process start to finish. The very first time I walked into my house I knew what I wanted to do with it I pictured the furniture and the colour schemes, fast forward almost 13 years to March 2019.
“Let’s get new heating system put in”
These words were like music to my ears, it was time after years of making do I could get the ideas out of my head and onto my walls. If you have never been through the process… turns out it’s a slow one but within a few months the time had come my little friends to strip the wallpaper. As luck would have it the plaster came with it too, just as well a plasterer had been lined up really, the horrible artexed ceiling was ripped from its secure position to. In the process of waiting for different stages to be completed I decorated two kids rooms and a hallway. Joy… pure joy, I had to put up with a lot of negativity along the way being told I was too creative and doing too much and maybe I was but when you become unhappy with your surroundings you change them as best you can.
I know it sounds like a contradiction but allow me to explain my happiness is not in the house and it’s amazing contents which now reside within its walls… no the joy comes from the fact that despite the doubt that threatened the progress and drive for this wonderful place I call home, it was overcome and I was able to express my true self through out the process and that is something.
But that it was my first step, without which I would never have dreamed of starting this blog, my sketches I believe to be terrible would lay somewhere never to be seen and I would never dream of sharing what I find to be silly writings with anyone let alone the world. I made the terrifying choice to look into a life coaching course and then booked it, a choice I have to say terrifies me but I will do it because it is something that drives me a passion and I am starting to believe I can do anything if I set my mind to it all from the joy of painting.
Joy and happiness are fleeting, my advice go make yourself a happy box and when the world threatens to steal it from you go take it out open it and bask in its joy. Here a few suggestions from mine:
Any Disney movie (I don’t believe there is such a thing as favourite one – personal choice)
A favourite chocolate.
A photo of friends.
A picture of your kid, nieces/nephews/ grandchildren you get the idea.
A piece of clothing you can live without.
A scent, I have a bookcase full… yip the new book smell.
A song.
So dear readers keep working, keep striving, never give up, fall 7 times get up 8, believe in yourself and make your own happy.
Motivational speech videos.
They maybe things but they have the power to invoke that moment and they can remind you that these moments are wonderful and worth the struggle, because one day we are all going to find belief in ourselves and that passion will take over.
“if you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.”
The many adventures of Ailey Bailey 